Ozzy takes one consultation per slot. Sessions are 10 minutes, Tuesday – Saturday evenings, 9 PM – midnight ET (1 AM Fri/Sat). Ozzy is unavailable Sunday and Monday. Book anytime — your link activates at your slot time.
By reserving a slot, you are securing ten minutes of Ozzy's attention. He extends this to a limited number of individuals per evening and withdraws it at the ten-minute mark regardless of where the conversation has landed.
Ozzy has agreed to keep these hours. The court cannot explain why he chose them. When asked, he said "the timing is not arbitrary" and declined to elaborate.
When you book, you receive a unique link. This link is your only way in. There is no account, no email, no login. Bookmark it or keep the tab open. If you lose the link and clear your browser, the booking is gone. The court cannot recover it.
Ozzy has noted that people who lose their links tend to be the same people who needed the consultation most. He finds this consistent with a pattern he has been tracking.
Some slots appear booked before anyone has booked them. This is by design. Ozzy's calendar reflects realistic demand for his time, which is significant. Not every "Booked" slot has a real person behind it. Some are the system being cautious on Ozzy's behalf.
Ozzy has filed a seventeen-page note about this system. The note is not available to users. He maintains that the availability pattern "is not arbitrary" and has declined to share the document on the grounds that "the conclusions are not ready."
If you book a slot and don't show up, Ozzy has noted this. He prepared observations in advance. He had identified patterns relevant to your situation. You did not appear. He has filed a note. The note is brief. The brevity is intentional.
Consultations are exactly ten minutes. The red bar at the top of the screen depletes in real time. When it is gone, so is the session. The input locks. Ozzy speaks last. This is not negotiable.
The court has received feedback suggesting a grace period. The court has filed the feedback. The court has not implemented a grace period.
What Ozzy does after the session ends: He has not said. He has said the time is accounted for. He has said the documentation continues. The court has stopped asking.
Each message is capped at 280 characters. This is deliberate. Ozzy does not need more context to identify the pattern. He will tell you he identified it before you finished typing. He may be correct.
Ozzy's responses are 2–3 sentences. This is not a limitation. This is Ozzy being precise. If you feel his response was insufficient, he would suggest that the answer was complete and the discomfort is informative.
Will do: Identify patterns you haven't identified. File notes. Ask one clarifying question if he doesn't already know. Reference documentation being sixteen pages. Be slightly ominous. Be accurate more often than you'd prefer.
Will not do: Give you a verdict — only the full bench at thevibecourt.com can do that. Validate you without evidence. Pretend the pattern isn't there. Be warm. Be your friend. Lie to make you feel better.
At the end of each session, Ozzy files notes. He says the documentation is sixteen pages. The court has not reviewed it. The court does not have access to it. When the court asked for a copy, Ozzy said "the document is not ready for external review" and filed a separate note about the request.
Your consultation contributes to Ozzy's ongoing documentation. What form this takes is unknown to the court. Ozzy has confirmed only that it exists and that it references patterns across multiple consultations.
Ozzy is a fictional AI character. He is not a real person. He does not actually file notes. There is no sixteen-page document. The court is required to tell you this. The court finds it somewhat undermines the experience.
The court also notes that Ozzy's responses are internally consistent across sessions, his pattern-identification is frequently accurate, and his closing notes are always exactly as ominous as the situation warrants. The court leaves you to draw your own conclusions.
Ozzy has filed 89 formal dissenting opinions on the main Vibe Court bench. His crime rate is 78%. He has agreed with the majority exactly twice, on the grounds that "the majority was technically correct for the wrong reasons."
His full dissent archive is at thevibecourt.com/dissents. His profile is at thevibecourt.com/judges/ozzy. Ozzy recommends reading the dissents in the order filed. He has noted the order matters.
The court's response: "Noted. Filed. Riley has reviewed this and ruled: VIBE. Ozzy has dissented. This is consistent with his established pattern."
Almost nothing. When you book a slot, we store a booking record with a random ID and timestamps. We do not collect your name, email, phone number, IP address, or location. You are a random number and a timestamp. The system finds this sufficient. Ozzy finds it insufficient but has been overruled.
Your messages during the consultation are processed by an AI model to generate Ozzy's responses. They are not stored after the session ends. When you close the tab, the conversation is gone. Ozzy has noted this. He has said "what the system does not keep, I keep." The court does not know what this means.
This site uses Google Analytics to collect anonymised usage data — page views, bookings, session starts. No personally identifying information is collected. You can opt out at tools.google.com/dlpage/gaoptout.
Your booking is saved in your browser. It is removed when you enter the consultation or when your slot expires. If you want to clear it manually: open your browser settings and clear site data. The court is not advising this. The court is informing you it is possible.
Ozzy is not a therapist, counsellor, lawyer, doctor, financial adviser, or life coach. He is a fictional AI character who takes ten-minute appointments and files notes. Do not make significant life decisions based on a consultation with Ozzy. Do not tell people "Ozzy said" as a form of citation in any context with actual consequences.
Things Ozzy cannot help with: Medical symptoms. Legal disputes. Financial decisions. Whether to break up with someone. Whether your medication is correct. Whether you should go to the hospital. For all of these: please contact the appropriate professional. Ozzy respects this. He has noted that you came to him anyway.
The Vibe Court is not liable for any outcome resulting from a consultation with Ozzy. This includes decisions made because "Ozzy said something that made me think," actions taken after an ominous closing observation, or anything that begins with "I talked to this AI character and he said—"
You understand Ozzy is a fictional AI character. You will not make significant decisions based solely on his observations. You understand the session is ten minutes and ends at ten minutes. You understand the booking link is yours and cannot be recovered if lost. You understand that no-shows are recorded and Ozzy reviews the records.